Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
