I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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