how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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