Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
