Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
