u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
