Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize