I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
