I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You took a bar mat shot.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize