i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
