i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
