Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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