His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
