So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
