just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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