How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
