If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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