I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
