im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize