She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
