Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize