I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
