I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
