I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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