I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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