so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
