respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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