love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
