You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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