the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Damn victory sex feels great
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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