drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
