I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
