my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
