Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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