they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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