worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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