dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
