Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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