I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
