So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize