Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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