Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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