You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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