I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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