mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
