Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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