You made me cry and you don't even care
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
