if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
