you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
