Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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