The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
