Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize