i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
