isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
