i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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