And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
