Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
