its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
