I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
