Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
